Thursday, May 27, 2010

Dr. Croc Socks and My Comfy Couch

I wanted to write about the character that showed up for Date #1 in Crocs, colored socks, creased jeans and stupid t-shirt then promptly fell asleep on my couch like he was in a drug induced coma. It was my goal to tell the horror story of how for hours, I tried unsuccessfully to wake his dead as a log horribly dressed corpse from my couch. Or how I had to Fabreeze every inch of what used to be my comfort zone while in pure Christopher Columbus style, he invaded my space and claimed it as his own. Simply replace Small Pox blankets with the overwhelming stench of Outlet Clearance Cologne and call my couch The New America. I wanted him gone. I banged pots together, I opened all the windows, I turned the volume all the way up on the TV, I yelled. Then I went to my room and locked the door. "Come on Doris, think!" I ended up calling my girlfriend, the Actress from Chicago, to call me from across the country. She's always been the genius. So I now had an "emergency call" and he had no choice but to leave. Real friends do those things at 4AM and tell you how stupid you are after. I tried everything my Passive Aggressive attitude would allow. All but, a big giant, "GET OUT!" I wanted to write all about, but the idea of him makes my brain hurt. His Crocs make my head hurt. I should sue. Sue him; Sue his parents; Sue Crocs.



Dating pretty much sucks. I'm kind of hoping GOD takes pity on me and just sends me the character I'm supposed to be with. Hopefully he has a Post-It on his head that says, "God sent me here for you, Enjoy." This way, I'll have no choice. Its official, I haven't had one date since October and I'm still smiling. I can't really complain. In the end, it all makes for great writing and at this rate, I'll have a book by December.

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